Even before the day began, I began wondering, tentatively asking. “May I write for You? I would like to write for You.”
All day, this 24th day of December, the heavens were still and my heart cold and lifeless.
I would remind Him, “I would like to write for You, but only if You want me to.”
In years past, God has allowed me to write some wonderful stories and reflections for the feast of His Son’s birth. In more recent months, it seems that whenever I ask Him, “May I write?” He gives me something – some gift that I can share here.
Tonight, a couple of ideas started to form but I was suspicious of them. No, not that, not now. Not on the Feast of His birth.
Then, my computer because to act strangely, getting stuck in airplane mode – though I had never set it in airplane mode. I tried to restart and it got stuck in restarting.
“Perhaps He is trying to tell me No”, I considered, a bit surprised.
When God is so very generous with me, showering gifts upon me whenever I ask, I too easily to begin to assume that He will never say “No”. I want to write for Him – so certainly He will give me what I want, won’t He?
But tonight – tonight I hear something else within.
“Just become small,” He whispers inside of me. “That is what I did.”
And I realize that this is His gift to me this Christmas Eve. He is leading me. “Do not spend the night writing of Me but follow Me. Empty yourself and become small.”
And so I will leave you now, my friends, to prepare my heart to follow Him. To let go of me and all of my perceptions of self-importance. To allow Him to draw me into His humility as He pours Himself out in Incarnation.
All glory to Him.
+Alleluia +Alleluia +Alleluia.